Wrecking The Halls
by Batdude365
Summary: Lincoln and Sam accidentally destroy the former’s family’s Christmas tree and presents, now they’re on a race against the clock to set everything right. (Consider this my very, very late Christmas gift to you all; Cover by TheMaximumMatt.)


[The episode starts off on Christmas Eve morning, when a snowflake is being blown through the streets of Royal Woods by the calm wind. Several more snowflakes follow the same process. Pan down to a little boy sticking his tongue out to taste one of the snowflakes, which he does successfully. He then proceeds to make some snow angels in front of his house.]

Justin's Mom: Justin, sweetie, come in here. You don't want to catch frostbite.

Justin: Just a minute, Mom... [finishes up the rest of his snow angels and goes inside his house]

[Pan over to the Loud House, which is decorated with lots of Christmas decorations and several blocks north of Justin's house. Cut to the backyard, where Lincoln is on top of a slide in the backyard with his sled, Big Red. Sam is nearby ]

Lincoln: Alright, Big Red. Now that I got you back after last Christmas, let's do this again.

Sam: Wait! [kicks the rock in the path to the side] Alright, now you can go.

Lincoln: [breathes in] Welp, here goes nothing!

[However, before Lincoln could slide down the slide on his sled...]

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln! Me and your mom want to have a word with you kids.

Lincoln: [climbs down from the slide] 'Scuse me, Sam. Family business. [gives Sam Big Red and walks inside]

[Cut to the living room, where the siblings are on the couch, in front of Lynn Sr. and Rita.]

Rita: Alright, so Vanzilla is under repair again, so we can only take the girls with us to Aunt Ruth's for Christmas.

[Multiple groans are heard from the sisters, except Lily.]

Rita: Girls, Aunt Ruth rarely has any company, and has only cats for friends. Just give this a chance.

Sisters: Oh, alright.

Lynn Sr.: So, Lincoln, can we trust you and Sam to stay here by yourselves?

Sam: [comes into the room] Of course. [puts his hand around Lincoln's shoulder] Me and Linc are basically responsibility, personified.

Lincoln: Besides, we don't need babysitters. You remember the last time you hired a babysitter to watch over us ?

Rita: [to Lincoln and Sam] Well... OK, then. We should be back at 10:00 tomorrow. Alright, everyone, let's go! [heads out the front door to Vanzilla]

[Lynn Sr. and the girls await the inevitable with Ruth.]

Lynn Sr.: If I have to see that extra toe again, so help me...

Lori: [bitterly to Lincoln] Lucky... [walks out the door with the others]

Lincoln: [out the door] Bye, guys! See ya later!

[Vanzilla pulls off from the driveway and drive towards Aunt Ruth's, with very loud groans coming out the open windows.]

Lincoln: So... What do you wanna do first, Sam?

[Sam is in awe of something offscreen.]

Lincoln: [notices Sam's daze] Uh, Sam? [snaps his fingers in front of him]

Sam: [in awe] Lincoln... What... is that? [points to the Loud family's Christmas tree, with each of the siblings' presents under it]

Lincoln: Oh, that's just our Christmas tree.

Sam: I have seen these things on Internet pictures... but not in person like this. [takes several pictures of it with his phone]

Lincoln: Why's that?

Sam: [stops] Erm... Very complicated reasons.

Lincoln: Might as well start shredding on Big Red now. Speaking of that, where is Big Red?

[Sam pulls out Big Red from behind his back. Cut to the two on top of the slide in the backyard, with Lincoln holding Big Red.]

Lincoln: Welp, with no further interruptions... [to Big Red] Let's do this, Big Red.

[Lincoln and Sam slide down the slide on the sled, speeding down it.]

Sam: Whoo!

[Unfortunately, Big Red hits another rock, sending the two airborne. They then crash back into the living room through the windows. They then see Big Red's about to hit the Christmas tree.]

Lincoln: [runs towards the Christmas tree; in slow motion] Nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooo! [jumps in front of the Christmas tree]

[Fortunately, Lincoln caught Big Red in midair before it could collide with the tree.]

Lincoln: [relieved] Phew! That... was a close one.

Sam: Yeah, I know. That could've been one of our biggest blunders yet.

[Sam accidentally pushes the Christmas tree near the roaring fireplace just by leaning on it. The top of the tree catches on fire. Lincoln and Sam scream. Lincoln rushes into the kitchen and comes back with a bucket full of a clear liquid and drenches the flames with it.]

Sam: What exactly was in that bucket, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Oh, just some... [holds up the bucket in full view of the screen; reads the label on the bucket] "Acosta's Propane". [sets the bucket down; realizes his mistake] Oh no...

[An even bigger flame comes from the tree, burning it to a crisp. Some of the flames even get on the sisters' Christmas presents.]

Lincoln: [panicking] Sam, go find something to put out the fire!

[Sam rushes off and comes back with a garden hose, spraying the fire away.]

Sam: [sighs with relief] Thank goodness the fire's finally out. [goes over to the now singed tree and presents] But, the tree and most of the presents are burned to a crisp. [picks up Lincoln's Christmas gift] At least your gift's still intact, Linc.

Lincoln: [worried; paces around the living room; to the viewers] Oh, man! This isn't good! My sisters are gonna be home soon! And when they see what me and Sam did to the tree and their presents...

[A thought bubble appears above Lincoln and Sam's heads, where Lincoln, Sam, and 9 angry Loud sisters are in a completely white background, with the burnt tree and presents behind Lincoln and Sam. The sisters' heads turn red, and steam exits their ears. They proceed to beat the tar out of the two, resulting in an extremely violent dust cloud. Lincoln and Sam then do a Death Throw . Game over music plays while the words, "Game Over" are on-screen in the thought bubble. Cut to an exterior shot of the Loud House as the two shriek in terror, resulting in many partridges jumping off of the nearby pear trees and flying away from the Loud House.]

Sam: [starts to calm down] Alright, we just need to calm down and take care of this before they get back from Ruth's.

Lincoln: [calms down] I guess you're right, buddy. Maybe we can set them back up.

[Lincoln sets the tree back up to where it was, but it, along with the sisters' presents, immediately turrn into ashes.]

Sam: I'll get the vacuum. [walks into the other room to do so]

[Cut to Sam vacumming up the last of the ashes that were once the tree and presents, while Lincoln's on the couch, trying to think.]

Lincoln: [worried] What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

Sam: [puts the vacuum away] Hmm... [tries to think of a solution] I don't know. [lies on the floor] It's gonna take a Christmas miracle to get us out of this one. Or at the very least, a tiny miracle.

[Suddenly, a robot that looks like a kid climbs into the living room through the air vents.]

Tiny Miracle: Did somebody say Tiny Miracle?

Sam: [surprised] What the?! Who are you?!

Lincoln: Oh, that's just the robot Lisa bought off of E=MCBay. The other day, she was talking about how super helpful he was to any situation.

Sam: [gets an idea] Hmm... Tiny Miracle, is there any chance you could turn these ashes... [pours out the ashes from the vacuum] ...into this? [shows Tiny Miracle a picture of the Christmas tree and the sisters' presents]

Tiny Miracle: Got it! One large order of Christmas joy, coming right up!

[Tiny Miracle uses his built-in vacuum to suck up the ashes, then uses his built-in sewing machine, arcade machine, camera, dog whistle, etc. that don't solve the problem at all. Cut to the next day, when Lincoln and Sam wake up Tiny Miracle still isn't done.]

Lincoln: [groans] This is taking a really long time.

Sam: Let's just fix this ourselves. [pulls out his phone] by using the "get out of trouble" hotline. [dials in several numbers]

[Sam's phone rings for a bit, until the caller on the other line answers.]

Sam: Great! The other line's picking up.

GOOT Operator: Hello! And thank you for calling the GOOT hotline. If you want to get out of trouble that involved getting your sibling's bike stolen, press 1.

[As he says this, the two boys are somewhat confused.]

GOOT Operator: If you want to get out of trouble that involved posting an embarassing video without the people in the video's consent, press 2.

[Lincoln and Sam get even more confused from this option.]

GOOT Operator: If you want to get out of trouble that involved accidentally destroying your family's Christmas tree and presents, press 3.

Sam: Ah, just what we need. [presses 3]

GOOT Operator: If you're calling from Springfield, Oregon, press 1.

[Lincoln and Sam look confused.]

GOOT Operator: If you're calling from Royal Woods, Michigan, press 2.

Sam: Sweet! [presses 2]

GOOT Operator: Alright, the first thing you have to do is go find any available Christmas trees at the store.

Lincoln: Wait, I could've thought of that.

Sam: Anyways, let's go.

[Lincoln and Sam leave to go to the mall while Tiny Miracle is still doing pointless things in order to "help" the two. Cut to the two boys in said store, looking for a Christmas tree.]

Lincoln: Christmas tree... Christmas tree... Christmas tree... [finds a tall Christmas tree] Aha!

[The two are about to get the Christmas tree, until another customer already takes it before they could get to it.]

Sam: Don't worry. There's bound to be more trees like it.

[Cut to a montage of the two trying to get Christmas trees, but to no avail, on the account of other customers getting said Christmas trees before them. Cut to the two sitting on a bench, depressed.]

Lincoln: Well, they're all out of Christmas trees here. What are we gonna do?

Sam: Uh, call back on the hotline. [proceeds to do so] Hello, operator? That first idea didn't work for us. All of the trees were taken as soon as we got close to them.

GOOT Operator: Well... how about cutting down a short pine tree and make it look like a Christmas tree?

Sam: [thinks for a bit] That could work. Thanks. [hangs up]

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam in a nearby forestin lumberjack attire, looking for a pine tree to cut down.]

Sam: Hmm... [spots an ideal pine tree] There!

[Sam is about to cut it down with an axe until a squirrel pops out of one of the holes and throws a barrage of acorns at him, driving him away.]

Sam: OK, OK! I'm not gonna cut down your home! [walks off]

[The squirrel nails Sam with one last acorn, making him faceplant.]

[Cut to Lincoln finishing up cutting down a large pine tree.]

Lincoln: [makes the last chop to the tree] Timber!

[The tree falls down and lands on a bear's head, much to Lincoln's obliviousness.]

Lincoln: [calls out] Hey, Sam! I found a tree!

Sam: [walks over to the large tree] Might have to chop off the excess trunk parts, and we'll be good.

[The two proceed to cut the pine tree down until its trunk was about 5 cm long.]

Lincoln: I think that should do it.

[The two then pick up the tree and walk out of the forest, only to be stopped by the bear who was hit by the tree. He is about to rip them to shreds until...]

Sam: [scared] Uh... Wait, Mr. Bear, if you don't claw us into little bits pieces... [digs into his jacket and pulls out a large, gift-wrapped container of honey] I'll give you this honey.

Lincoln: Oh. [pulls out an ice pack from his jacket] And this should help with the headache.

[The bear is no longer mad at them, and Sam gives the bear the honey and Lincoln gives him the ice pack. The bear then happily walks back into the forest to enjoy his honey while tending to the lump on his head with the ice pack.]

Lincoln and Sam: Merry Christmas, Mr. Bear!

Mr. Bear: [roars happily] (Merry Christmas to you too!) [walks further into the forest until he's no longer seen]

Sam: Wow. That just gave me a nice, warm, and fuzzy feeling inside.

Lincoln: That's the true meaning of Christmas right there.

Sam: Now... let's get some new presents.

Lincoln: But with what money?

Sam: You know, the money we got from our and Clyde's short film's earnings.

[Cut to Lincoln and Sam, who's carrying the tree in a wagon, heading back to the mall.]

Sam: Alright, here's all the money for the presents, pal. [gives Lincoln $700] That should be enough right there. I'll be near the entrance with the tree.

Lincoln: I'll be back. [goes off to get the sisters' new presents]

[Cut to a montage of Lincoln getting each of the sisters a present; Lori an iPhone 8, Leni some new earrings, Luna a new electric guitar, Luan some rubber chickens, Lynn a Phlat Ball, Lucy the newest entry in the Vampires of Melancholia book series, Lana some Gak, Lola a new tiara, Lisa some plutonium rods, and Lily some plush bears. Cut to Sam waiting on a bench with the tree and wagon.]

Lincoln: [walks to the bench while holding several gift-wrapped boxes] Got the presents.

Sam: Great! Just set them in the cart, and we'll be good.

[Lincoln does so, and the two go to the cash register to pay for said presents. Cut to the two walking to the Loud House from the mall. Suddenly, Lincoln's phone rings.]

Lincoln: [answers his phone] Y'ello?

Rita: [on the phone] Hi, Lincoln. It's Mom.

[Split-screen to show the rest of the Louds at Aunt Ruth's, with several of the latter's friends there.]

Rita: Aunt Ruth's old friends decided to come for a visit.

Lincoln: Good for her.

Lynn Sr.: [grabs the phone from Rita] So, considering that, we decided to come home early.

[Lincoln and Sam become wide-eyed as he says this.]

Rita: We should be back by 5:30. Bye, sweetie.

Lincoln: B-b-bye, Mom. [hangs up, checks the time on his watch; gasps] It's 5:10! That only gives us 20 minutes to get home before them!

Sam: [looks around for a possible shortcut] Let's cut through the alley. [points to an alleyway]

[Thee two proceed to speed through the alleyway, until they eventually come across a homeless family on the other side. They see that the mom is holding the baby in some old newspapers, the boy and girl have come down with a severe cold, a pile of dirt with a makeshift headstone that has "Dad" written on it in mud, and all they have for warmth is an enflamed oil drum in the center of them, all as violin music is. Lincoln and Sam look down with guilty expressions, thinking about whether to give them the stuff in the wagon to make their Christmas Eve better or not. After looking at each other, the stuff in the wagon, and back at the family. They proceed to drag the wagon over to them.]

Lincoln: Here you go. [pushes the wagon to their direction]

Sam: It's the least we could do on Christmas.

Mom: Bless you boys.

Girl: Thank you, misters. [coughs]

Boy: We really appreciate this.

[Lincoln and Sam leave the alleyway, but not before saying to the family...]

Lincoln and Sam: Happy holidays!

[The two leave. Cut to them walking to the Loud House on the sidewalk.]

Sam: Looks like we're gonna have to take our punishment like men, bud.

Lincoln: At least we helped out five unfortunate souls today.

Sam: I guess...

[Lincoln takes out his house key, opens the front door, and the two proceed to lay on the couch, depressed. Tiny Miracle is still not done with his task.]

Lincoln: Looks like we're gonna have to take our season's beatings in... [looks at the living room clock] 2 minutes.

[Vanzilla soon parks in the driveway, and the parents and sisters step out of it. Lana is seen eating some of Ruth's moldy pudding on the way over.]

Lana: It may be moldy, but it's still good to me, at least. [continues to eat the pudding]

[However, just before Lynn Sr. took out his key and unlocks the front door, Tiny Miracle activates his built-in vacuum and shoots out a fully decorated Christmas tree, with blinking lights, ornaments, and a star, as well as 10 presents wrapped in gold wrapping paper with each of the sisters' names on each one.]

Lincoln: Whoa! Great job, Tiny Miracle!

Tiny Miracle: Remember, Tiny Miracles always come through! See ya later, guys! [climbs back into the vents]

Sam: You know, life has a weird way of working out at the most convenient of times.

[As the family walks into the house, the family, sans Lisa, gazes in awe at the Christmas tree.]

Sisters: Holy shamoley! / That looks so amazing! / (etc.)

[All the sisters, sans Lisa, hurriedly rush towards the tree to get a closer look. The Loud parents go on over to Lincoln and Sam, who are looking nervous about breaking the news to the family.]

Lynn Sr.: Great job on the tree, boys! It looks way better than it was before.

Lisa: [notices something's up] A little too good, I might add.

[Upon Lisa saying this, the other sisters start to question the drastic change in appearance of the tree.]

Lori: Wait a minute... [suspicious] Something is up, Lisa...

[The sisters go towards the two boys with suspicious expressions.]

Luna: [suspicious] Alright, you two. What's going on here?

Lincoln: Actually... The real reason why the tree looks like this now is because...

Sam: Well, me and Linc _may have_... [mumbles quickly]

Lynn: [suspicious] What did you two do?

Lincoln: [takes a deep breath; rapidly] We accidentally burned the Christmas tree and your presents while you guys were gone!

Sam: It was mostly, if not, entirely my fault on that one.

Lincoln: But we did try very hard to fix this. We went all the way to the mall to get a new one, we had to go up against a bear for one since they were all sold out.

Sam: Actually, the bear's cool with us now, since we gave him honey and an ice pack after hitting him on the head with a pine tree.

Lincoln: Then, we went and got new presents and were rushing our way home, then we saw a woman and her three kids in an alley, cold and sick.

Sam: At the time, we decided to just give the tree and presents to them. Pretty sure they're having a blast now.

Lincoln: Oh, and then Tiny Miracle...

Sisters (sans Lisa): Who?

Lisa: Oh... you mean the robot boy I got last week.

Sam: Yeah, him. Turns out it takes him a super long time to do anything he's assigned. But, he did help put the tree and presents back together into that. [points back to the new tree and presents]

Lincoln and Sam: [sobbing] We're really, really sorry!

[The sisters get closer to them, as well as the parents, as Lincoln and Sam brace themselves for fate, which turns out to be a hug from all of them.]

Lincoln and Sam: [confused] Huh?

Sam: [confused] What's going on?

Rita: We're proud of you boys for what you did today.

Lynn Sr.: You went through all of that just for us.

Lori: And that's literally more important than the tree or presents themselves.

Luna: Just like you two said, you're responsibility personified.

Luan: And things would've been much hollier and jollier either way than at Aunt Ruth's. [laughs]

Lynn: [pulls out a money-filled jar titled, "Painfully Pushed Puns" from her back] Jar.

[Luan sighs, then puts $5 inside the jar. The family releases the two boys from the hug.]

Lincoln: So... you guys aren't mad?

[The family, sans Lola, nod "no". Lana nudges Lola's shoulder.]

Lola: [unconvincingly] No... [stares at Lincoln and Sam with a wicked grin]

[Lincoln and Sam back up a bit from the family, especially Lola.]

Lola: [chuckles] Only kidding.

Sam: Oh. I thought that you... [dismisses] Ah, never mind. Forget it.

[Cut to the sisters each opening their presents; Lori got an iPhone 8, Leni got some new earrings, Luna got an electric guitar, Luan got some rubber chickens, Lynn got a Phlat Ball, Lucy got the newest entry in the Vampires of Melancholia book series, Lana got some Gak, Lola got a diamond tiara, Lisa got some plutonium rods, and Lily got a plush panda.]

[Cut to Lincoln opening his present, the only present that wasn't burnt.]

Lincoln: [gasps in excitement] I can't believe it! The limited-edition ARRGH! DVD boxset, signed by Hunter Spector himself! [holds his present to his chest]

Sam: Good for you, pal. [drinks some hot chocolate]

Lincoln: Although I didn't get to ask you this earlier, but... What's with you and Christmas?

Sam: I think that's a story for some other day. Beisdes, being here with you guys is the best Christmas gift I could ever get.

[The sisters and Lincoln embrace Sam with gratitude and happiness.]

Lincoln: Aw, you...

[Then, all the characters seen in the episode, including the forest bear and Tiny Miracle, come together to harmonzie "Holly Jolly Christmas" as the end credits roll.]

THE END


End file.
